Prohibition Averted

In Ontario, the only place you can get alcohol is at a Liquor Control
Board store, also known as the LCBO. Sure, there are a few wine stores
around and of course, you can purchase your beer at The Beer Store –
but if you want anything harder, or if you want girly rum coolers, then
you’re going to have to get thee to the nearest LCBO.

Imagine
the shock and dismay of an entire province when the folks at the LCBO
recently started talking about strike action over privitization issues.
Here we are approaching a long weekend, exactly the kind of
weekend when even people who don’t normally drink much, such as myself,
decide it is absolutely necessary to booze it up. Yesterday I started
to get a little concerned that this dispute wasn’t going to be resolved
before we go camping this weekend so during my lunch hour I thought I
would visit the LCBO downstairs from my office in First Canadian Place.
A camping trip without alcohol would truly be a heinous crime.

Think
for a moment, if you will, back to the Y2K crisis, and you couldn’t
find a bottle of water or a generator anywhere because people were
stockpiling them just in case the lights went out. Now imagine that,
only replace the life-saving provisions with alcohol. I was astonished
to discover how berserk everyone had gone. I think I was literally the
last person in the Financial District to think, "You know what, maybe I
should grab my supply for the weekend in case this agreement isn’t
ratified." Not only were there no rum coolers to be had, but my friend
couldn’t even buy a bottle of blush wine. Not one bottle of blush wine!
Mental.

This morning I received a tip that the LCBO in Union Station was well-stocked. I investigated, and it was. In fact, it was so
well-stocked that I didn’t even bother buying it and lugging it back to
my desk, instead I’d hit the store again on my way home. Apparently
people are too busy running for their trains to stop for alcohol, even
in a crisis. By this time, however, I had already heard from a
co-worker that tentative agreement had been reached and the Great
Alcohol Crisis of 2005 had been averted. I picked up my stuff anyway
because we have about 10 million things to do before we get away on
Saturday morning. On the way home, no less than 4 people made
unsolicited comments to me with respect to my bag of alcohol. Two
people said something along the lines of, "Stocking up in case of a
strike eh?" I’d hardly call 8 rum coolers "stocking up", but okay. The
third cried, "Oh NO, I forgot to go to the liquor store." But the last
guy, after overhearing the other comments, looked up smugly from his
novel and said haughtily, "You know, that strike has been postponed for
two weeks. They reached a tentative agreement this morning."

Obviously
this guy thought I was a complete moron for buying drinks on the day
the deal was reached but I don’t understand – is it really so hard to
believe that maybe I just had some other reason to make this purchase today? I can think of a few possible reasons right off the top of my head:

  1. I’m having some friends over.
  2. I ran out and I just want something to drink with my bbq tonight.
  3. This alcohol is a gift – nothing says Happy Birthday like Bacardi Breezers!
  4. I don’t have time on Thurday or Friday therefore I must buy it today. (Ding-ding! True!) or
  5. I’m an alcoholic.

And even in the absence of one of these other very good reasons, why do you care dude? Do ya really need to bring me down with your piss-poor attitude? Seriously buddy, we’re commuting home after a long day confined in our artificial environments … Rejoice and have a friggen drink!

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