They Call it “Lush” Because Once You Start, You Can’t Stop

If there’s anything that ruins the holidays for me it’s the crazy
shoppers. I had hoped to have finished my Christmas shopping by now in
order to avoid the Mall Walkers but I am still pretty happy because I
only have 2 more things to purchase and since I know what these things
are I happily remain stress-free. Thank you compulsive list-writing

This year I rediscovered Lush.
I remember the place being kind of a big deal when I was in high
school. Somehow I don’t think I ever actually bought anything there but
I recall being in the store a lot with others. I’m not much of a girly
girl and I’m not really into baths. I like baths but I am compelled to
scrub the tub before I can even contemplate having one which seems to
negate the relaxing bit of a bath. So I simply forgot about the place.
However, a little light bulb began to shine brightly when I decided to
get some massage products for my Sister-in-Law (a massage therapist)
and I wandered in late last month.

Of course, at that time the
Christmas shoppers were not yet out in force but the staff had clearly
already received their seasonal pep talk and were very keen. Very keen.
Before I knew it, I was trapped in the clutches of an outgoing,
granola-type nerd who was explaining to me how I could make a cute
container from a cereal box to wrap the Lush products in. I managed to
keep my cool while she demonstrated the massage bars by giving me a
hand massage which was lovely in a way but also really freaked me out
(me not being a touchy-feely type). All I wanted to do was scream, "For
God’s sake, I am going to buy anything related to massage! Anything! I
don’t need demos, or to smell everything, I don’t even care what it is!
Just give me something with "massage" in the title! Free me of your
evil embrace Succubus!" Jesus, I told her what I wanted the second I
walked in, can we cut to the bloody chase? I managed to escape with the
massage bars and my life.

Weeks passed and I began to think
something from Lush would be a good gift for my boss. I stepped in and
scanned the store for the Succubus. The coast seemed clear so I began
browsing. I was approached by a couple of rather normal store
associates and I began to relax. I hovered too long by the bath bombs
though, when I turned around there she was with her eager smile.
"Buying a gift for your boss? You should treat yourself too!" she
entreated me and began to shove some bath products toward my nose.
"But, I don’t like baths!" I sputtered but it was too late and I knew I
would not be fortunate enough to escape her talons twice unless I took
something else. "Fine, do you have anything that exfoliates?"

I left with a body butter bar called "King of Skins"
and as I used it this morning I cursed that girl for making me lay out
12 bucks I didn’t want to and because the bar did not have the
exfoliating properties she had promised. Oh yeah, sure there are some
granules of something in there, but nothing that’s going to help me
shed the winter alligator skin that’s already starting to appear. The
moisturizing properties of the bar made the tub extremely slippery and
again I cursed her when I slid the length of the tub and nearly brained
myself. Then I cursed her some more when I realized that the bar will
only last for three showers – optimistically.

Oh, but oh – my
skin is so soft now and even many hours after my shower I’m not itchy
and I can still feel the moisturizer clinging to my pores. I may be in
love. And I caught myself looking at other products on the Lush
website. Not just any products – products that require a bath. Well, I
mean, when I go back for another bar of [drugs] "King of Skins", the
Succubus isn’t going to let me out with that alone is she? I might as
well be prepared and get something I actually want right?!

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