I am very, very tired. Always. Thankfully most of my friends are aware of the situation and are surprisingly tolerant when I sort of just sit there catatonic then later ask them some stupid question that they have already answered. It’s more of a problem when people pop up out of the past and I’m having lunch with them and cannot think of a single thing to say besides, "I’m so tired. Oh my God, I’m so tired." I know my life isn’t terribly exciting but I’m sure something noteworthy must have happened over the last 11 years.
It is getting worse. It did not get any better with the arrival of spring and more daylight as I had hoped. A kindly friend, knowing I was several months over due for my hypothyroidism test, has been nagging me to get my blood work done – which I finally did on the way to work this morning. In the meantime, she’s been drawing up a list of other possible causes of my zombie-like condition.
First up was The Depression Theory. She sent me this list of questions to answer:
- Are you always questioning the meaning of your life? [No.]
- Do you wonder by you were even born? [No.]
- Do you have thoughts on dying and life being over? [No.]
- Are you completely worn out mentally, physically and emotionally? [Yes.]
- Have you lost all hope? [No.]
- Does your heart feel dead? [No.]
- Do you hate who you are and what you are doing? [First part no, second part, sometimes.]
- Does everything in your life seem worthless? [No.]
- When you look around you, do you see only a terrible, terrifying world? [No.]
- Do you feel deeply sad most of the time? [No.]
From this I have concluded that I’m not depressed, at least not in a clinical way. She’s also got the Vitamin B12 and/or Iron Deficiency Theory which would hopefully be revealed, should it be correct, in the latest round of blood work. I lost 15 pounds and increased my activity level (although admittedly, both of these could still use improvement) and nothing changed so there’s less merit in the Weight/Activity Theory. I certainly get enough sleep. I Googled "why am I so tired?" and Google informed me that perhaps I have Multiple Sclerosis or Lupus. Good times!
But the Thyroid Theory still seems like the clear winner. When the doctor is reviewing my results next week and asks me if I’m abnormally tired I will say, "Yes, yes I am. I am abnormally tired." Not, "I don’t know, I’ve always been this tired so maybe it’s just normal to feel this way" or "But isn’t everyone tired?" or any of the other pansy things I would usually say. And thanks Dri, for insisting that this isn’t normal.