Knock Knock

Dear Psychotic Bitch Christina,

I heard you knocking on the adjoining wall last night while I was practicing the piano.  I have attached a copy of the City’s Noise By-Law for your reference.  I have flagged the relevant text for your convenience and I assure you that playing the piano from 8:30 to 9:00 p.m. falls well within the parameters of the By-Law. 

We realize that we live in a semi and some noise will come across but you are being a bit unrealistic.  We have been more than tolerant of the noise that comes from your house at all hours.  For example, your late night vacuuming, the thumping created by Abby’s ball bouncing on the hardwood when you play, her excessive barking throughout the day and night and we even hear your music and TV sometimes.  For all the stupid nit picking that you do with us, I think we’ve been more than neighbourly.

I will be practicing the piano for one hour every day from now until we move and if you feel you would like to knock on the wall during this hour, I would invite you to contact 55 Division at 416.808.5500 as an alternative.  I would be happy to speak to someone within the law about this situation.

[In conclusion, eat a dick.]

Thanks,
Leslie

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