Lately I was wondering to myself why this winter seems soooooo long and why am I struggling with it so much when I finally remembered that for the last several years I have taken a week of vacation in February. I didn’t this year. I never go anywhere warm or do anything particularly special during that week. Rather, I just hang out under blankets and read, go to the bookstore, take long walks (if the weather is warm enough to bear them) with Chloe (more frequent short walks if it isn’t), screw around with some kind of craft or other. It is basically an exercise in being kind to myself, taking time to do things I can’t manage to do during the shitty winter weeks. Mostly it is an exercise in seeing the sun.
I did take a week of vacation in January this year, but in my opinion, it can hardly be counted because I moved and it was too early in the winter anyway to be of any benefit – it’s February and March when I really start flagging. This is when I usually drop of the face of the planet. I begin sucking at replying to my emails and phone calls (even more than usual), I hardly function in conversations without superhuman effort, I sleep the entire weekend away. In general, I become a pretty crappy friend to have in your hand. I get little missives from people: "Where are you?" I make it, barely, through the work day by drinking 10,000 cups of coffee. When I found out I was hypothyroid, I blamed all of this on that, but I’m medicated now, and ummm, nope! Apparently this is actually my personality (physiology?). So very sorry friends! This is how it’s going to be from now until eternity. I hope you know I appreciate your patience with me during these times but it’s okay if you’re pissed – I probably would be, if I were you.
I’m outrageously jealous of all the bloggers out there who are, right this minute, talking about buds on trees and warming temperatures in their climates. Admittedly, it has been a rather temperate winter in Toronto/Hamilton, but temperate or not, sunshine is still the most precious commodity. Any amount of frigid temperatures would be fine with me, but it’s the light. Buds and warming temperatures are still far away up here. Up here, in the frozen tundra, as we are oft to say jokingly in my family. Can you imagine actually living in the tundra though? I think I really would off myself. No joke man.
Anyway. I am struggling and I am sorry for the impact it has on others. I won’t make the mistake of skipping February vacation next year. It doesn’t cure any of this, but it really does make Spring come a little quicker, for me at least.