What Tears Mean

I’ve never really been the crying type but there are times when even girls who don’t cry reach their max and break.  I suppose lately there has been more breaking than usual, however, it still came as a shock when I was belligerantly told that the sole purpose for my tears was to make somebody else "feel bad".  I guess that was a good way to get me to stop crying – it sent me into a blinding rage.

You never know what kind of scars are on somebody else’s heart.  Perhaps there have been many manipulative women who used their tears as weapons in this person’s past, in turn causing this outrageous outburst.  Perhaps I should be more sensitive to latent injuries but I have to admit, I don’t really give a fuck.  That’s all just a bullshit excuse when it’s not my style to manipulate in that manner and never has been in all the many years I’ve been known by this person.  If I really needed to get my way that badly, I’d employ a tactic less likely to swell my eyes and make my face so red and blotchy.

Tears mean so much more than that old stereoptype, female manipulation.  I think what they almost always boil down to is, "I’m hurt".

Sometimes the hurt is simple and obvious (I cut myself, I seem to have broken my ankle) and sometimes it is something quieter and harder to get at:

I am thinking about something terrible that has happened
Someone dear to me has died, my baby didn’t live, someone has treated me with obscene amounts of disrespect

I am thinking about something terrible that will happen
My parents will die

I am thinking about something terrible that might happen
You might leave, another baby might die too

I don’t presume speak for all womankind, but I know that I certainly, along with the exceptional women I spend my time with, have a lot bigger things to cry about than to waste any precious tears in trying to make someone else feel bad simply for the sake of doing so.  Although it’s true I am often naive, I can’t believe we’re the only ones.

2 thoughts on “What Tears Mean

  1. OMG, so I’m not the only one this has been happening to? I’ve shed more tears in the past year than I have in the past 15 years….I had thought perhaps I’d been abducted!
    It’s a good sign that you’re letting it out, Les, and that you are acknowledging your fears.

  2. I think if someone were to tell me that they’d be on the receiving end of one hell of a kick in the behind.
    Most women grow out of the habit/tendency of crying to get our own way by the time we’re, oh, about 5. Anyone who thinks that mature individuals still employ this tactic need to grow up.
    I agree, most women have bigger things to worry about than making someone feel bad. And certain people just don’t matter enough to even waste my energy on trying to make them feel bad.
    The following rant may be in part because of my being jaded, and in part because I’m too independent for my own good some times so please forgive me.

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