Landslide of Principle Proportion

L_k_wedding_photo_001_2 This is one of my favourite wedding pictures.  It wasn’t always – it’s such a typical example of me doing something ridiculous in a photo – but eventually I began to appreciate it. Of all the photos taken that day, this one seems to represent us best.  Me with the cheeks, and Kevin looking like he has just said or is about to say something very funny.

Today, I am sitting in a new apartment back in Toronto, surrounded by boxes, a single girl very, very far away from the life she thought she had just a few short months ago.

I don’t know what the hell happened to cause all this barely three months after we moved.  An incident?  Or a fatal flaw in our relationship?  I thought we were pretty solid.  I would not have moved from Toronto if I didn’t.  If I don’t know now, I probably never will.  And I don’t know how much good it does me to keep trying to figure it out.  Does not seem to stop me from trying though.   

Many people have asked if I’m excited about my new place.  I can say, yes, it’s a great apartment in a great neighbourhood.  But you know what else I was excited about?  My house, the family I moved to Hamilton to start, my dog and my husband.  I have none of those things, so it’s really very impossible to be overjoyed about where I am now.

People want to know if I’m okay.  I’m not okay.  I’m not, no matter what I claim.  I will be, but not right now.  But please keep asking, because it helps.  It really does.


6 thoughts on “Landslide of Principle Proportion

  1. Wow, I can’t believe this is happening. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.
    I tend to lurk over here, but I have enjoyed your writing for quite some time. I’m really, really sorry about everything you’re dealing with. I hope you start to feel a little more okay soon.

  2. I just came across your blog through “waiting for pumpkin”, bloggy friends of mine.
    Sorry you’re going through such a difficult time — it sounds very similar to something I went through a number of years ago. You’ll get through it eventually, although it might not seem like it right now.
    Cari (a fellow single girl in T.O.)

  3. There will be some days that are harder than others, and there will be some days that are a snap. You’ll have days where you want to have as little human contact as possible, and other days where you won’t want to be by yourself.
    But no matter what each day brings, you will find a way to get through it. One day at a time. You can’t do anything besides take it one day at a time.
    But I know you will be okay. One day you’re going to realize that you haven’t had a bad day in quite a while and know that you’re dealt with it.
    If there’s anything I know, it’s how to deal with loss.

  4. *hugs Leslie* I just heard about this on Saturday. I haven’t had time to keep up with blogs. I’m sorry about what happened.
    HUGS HUGS HUGS. You’re in my thoughts.

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