This is one of my favourite wedding pictures. It wasn’t always – it’s such a typical example of me doing something ridiculous in a photo – but eventually I began to appreciate it. Of all the photos taken that day, this one seems to represent us best. Me with the cheeks, and Kevin looking like he has just said or is about to say something very funny.
Today, I am sitting in a new apartment back in Toronto, surrounded by boxes, a single girl very, very far away from the life she thought she had just a few short months ago.
I don’t know what the hell happened to cause all this barely three months after we moved. An incident? Or a fatal flaw in our relationship? I thought we were pretty solid. I would not have moved from Toronto if I didn’t. If I don’t know now, I probably never will. And I don’t know how much good it does me to keep trying to figure it out. Does not seem to stop me from trying though.
Many people have asked if I’m excited about my new place. I can say, yes, it’s a great apartment in a great neighbourhood. But you know what else I was excited about? My house, the family I moved to Hamilton to start, my dog and my husband. I have none of those things, so it’s really very impossible to be overjoyed about where I am now.
People want to know if I’m okay. I’m not okay. I’m not, no matter what I claim. I will be, but not right now. But please keep asking, because it helps. It really does.