But Would You Take It Back?

Voice_2I’m guessing everyone knows about Post Secret, the community art project where people anonymously mail in their secrets on a post card?  I was looking through months of secrets this morning, procrastinating.  This one resonated with me a lot, as I struggle a bit to identify with myself again.

I guess the question that follows, "Would you do it again?" is, "Would you take it back?"

No.  I wouldn’t.  I still believe there was a hell of a great marriage there, despite how this ending is devaluing everything.  Even if it turned to shit, even if this ending makes me feel like I wasted seven years of my life, my youth, my best child-bearing years … I would not wish for it not to have happened.  I still think it’s a great love story with that big dramatic move from the US to Canada and the crazy decision to get married one week after coming up with the idea in the first place.  I will always have that: the knowledge of exactly how fearless I can be. 

I learned so much about myself while I was married.  I learned how to communicate so much better (I know someone would disagree, but obviously, he did not know me in past relationships – and I think there’s a saying about glass houses that applies here).  I know what I will and will not accept in the future.  I am richer, as a human, for that experience.  Now, if I could just find that fearless girl again. 

3 thoughts on “But Would You Take It Back?

  1. It’s strange to realize how you can go from being the “fearless” girl to the “fearful” girl. Looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person you see, and realizing you are no longer the person you once prided yourself on being is not a pleasant experience. You will find that person again, albeit, you will never be the same. You’ll be a better version. We’ll call her Leslie 2.0.
    I say this without a doubt in my mind. I’ve been there. I know. I am version 2.0 🙂

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