Behold the Mighty Bleach Pen

I don't know that I've written it here a million times, but I know for sure I've said it a million times: When I moved into my apartment, it was so appallingly dirty that I should have insisted my landlord pay to have it cleaned.

But I wasn't thinking straight, clearly, and my team of friends and I shined it up fine, although it took a lot longer than it should have.  And I've been complaining about my nasty black mould-stained grout ever since.  The nasty black mould-stained grout being one thing we did not have strong enough cleaners to address (and we had some strong cleaners – I actually cleaned the kitchen floor with something my dad got in the automotive section at Canadian Tire).

Anyway, it's just one of those annoying things I have been avoiding dealing with.  Like the rads.  So, I took to complaining about it again the other night while visiting my parents.

"Just a second," my mother said and disappeared.

When she came back she held a Clorox Bleach Pen in her hand.  "Here, take this," she said, "take this and shut the hell up."  Then she raised her arm and threw the pen at me, clocking me in left temple.

Wait, wait.  No, okay, she really said, "Here you go, Lovey" and then handed it over very civilly.  But the story is a lot more interesting if my Mom throws the pen at me, no?

A couple of days go by until last night when I inexplicably wake up at 3 am and decide, instead of reading, hey, time to bleach the grout!

Actually, my intention was just to test it to see if it worked.  But as it happened, I just kept going until all the grout lines were covered in bleach gel.  Not that I am compulsive.  Then I got some steel wool and scratched the shit out of that mothereffing grout.  When I finally rinsed everything off, my grout was sparkling white!

Not really.  It was still pretty dirty.  But it was not black, it was just dirty looking which I felt really okay about, a good indication as to how gross it had been.  Nothing another 3 am application of bleach gel won't fix.  I'm happy I don't have to regrout.

Sadly, the bleach pen was powerless against the staining done (not by me, I swear) to the caulking and the entire shower needs to be recaulked.  I have experience with caulking, but I'm so over caulk.  Can't somebody just do it for me?  And send me on vacation – I don't care where, just some place where I can use the shower while I wait 48 hours for the caulk to cure?   

Bet you would have liked a more exciting story after a long weekend, but grout and bleach and caulk is all I've got.

One thought on “Behold the Mighty Bleach Pen

  1. You need a big, thick caulk. There is nothing like a big, thick caulk to make you happy and to make you day. Take two and call me in the morning.

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