Every Thursday afternoon my office sends around a bulletin informing us of the firm goings on. Periodically, and with more frequency during the warmer months, the bulletin will include some helpful tips regarding dress code. "If you have to wonder if your attire is appropriate," the bulletin tells us, "chances are it is not."
I threw myself a small birthday dinner party last night. I decided that I would wear a new shirt. I'd actually purchased this shirt for dates, but I don't know, I feel like parties are akin to dates, no? Okay, really I just can't stand having something new wasting away in the closet.
I got dressed early then had too much time on my hands. I started freaking out that the shirt was too revealing. I mean, the party was in my living room, not a club is all I'm saying. Leeanne was the first to arrive and I eloquently expressed my concerns to her.
"OMG. I AM SHOWING WAY! TOO! MUCH! BOOB! IN THIS SHIRT."
"Oh, no. No, no. It's fine. I like it," Leeanne assured me and although I thought she was out of her mind, frankly I was too lazy to try to figure out something else to wear.
So it is that I heard the following exchange a couple hours later:
Ingrid: Don't look at her boobs tonight, okay Honey?
Trennon*: I can't help it, they're right there.
Mark: Don't worrry, Buddy. I've already looked, like, five times.
* Who, in his defence, had only looked at them at my belly dance recital last weekend after being commanded to view my shoulder shimmy demonstration.