Monday morning I woke up possessed with the inspiration to clean out my bedroom closet. I pulled every single thing out of the closet and only put back in what I wanted to keep in there.*
I found some weird things. I found Kevin's old cell phone. I found a Blackberry charger – definitely not mine. His old film camera. A roll of biodegradable bags for picking up dog poop. Apparently this box was never unpacked in the Toronto to Hamilton move and survived two years in my closet, a perfect time capsule of January 2007.
I opened a housewarming card from Ingrid and Trennon. Inside, Ingrid's fanciful script said, "We hope your home brings you lots of happiness! It was a smart move and amazing things are going to happen for you here."
I've unearthed similar fossils before, and I've written about how shitty I felt upon being caught off-guard by them. I know even a few months ago I would have opened that card and felt bitter or pissed off. I don't know if I would have felt "sad" exactly. But I would not have been happy either. This time, something different: I grinned. Not a wry grin. A happy one.
Amazing things DID happen.
I'd love to sit here and say I would have started running, or deepened my yoga practice, or started belly dancing, or went back to school or any of the other things that have enriched my life throughout the last couple years if I'd remained married. That it was just a matter of time. I know I would never have done any of it. And I would never have had a reason to play that infamous game of squash.
Not the amazing things we thought would happen. Maybe more amazing.
* Needless to say, this has resulted in a giant pile of crap that now has no home.