The last time I saw my Christmas tree ornaments was in 2005.
We did not put up a tree in 2006 because the dog could not be trusted and because it was too much of a pain. We were packing to move anyway.
I saw them again briefly in January 2007. That’s when my Mom picked up the boxes to load them on the moving truck and bottoms fell out, rotted, from being lodged in our damp basement. That’s also when I started thinking I was really going to have a heart attack by day’s end. We were trying to load our truck in the midst of a blizzard, and my dad had already had an accident in the poor road conditions. My mom basically turned me around, found something else to focus my attention on and calmly re-wrapped and repacked everything into new boxes.
December 2007. My first Christmas in this apartment. I refused to participate. I did not put up a tree and I skipped all the family dinners. I went to Kellie and Mark’s.
Last year I decided I would have a pink tree. I felt that there was a time limited window where a girl can get away with having something so ridiculous – as in, when she does not live with a boy – and I better get it in while I had the opportunity. I lamented that I was having trouble finding one and Undercover Dad showed up with one in tow. I put it up, but I didn’t feel like going through the ornaments yet. The unadorned tree looked pretty festive anyway. I mean, it’s pink.
And that brings us to now.
I sorted through a lot of stuff in 2009. Thought I might as well add the Christmas ornaments onto the list of old things dealt with this year. Yesterday, The Egyptian helped me cart it all up to my apartment. This morning I started.
The stuff was there. All the stuff that I had avoided. Ornaments that said things like, “Son” and “New Home 2004”.
A friend recently showed me a series of texts he’d written to someone about how he’d passed his ex on the street and felt nothing. And then felt sad that he felt nothing. He’d really loved her. You’d think you’d feel something about someone who had been so important.
That’s how I felt. Sad, that I felt nothing. I made a pile of ornaments that were his and ornaments that are irrelevant. I boxed them up for Goodwill.
I felt happy.
[The only thing that’s weird is I seem to have lost the angel for the top of the tree. Maybe she didn’t survive the rotten box fiasco.]