Monday night, after tap class, I said goodbye to my friend and headed toward the subway. This is when I hear some guy, “Hey, are those tap shoes?”
I turn. A lawyer, unmistakably. A lawyer who does not eat pork. If you’re going to date me, you are allowed only one issue. You can have an occupational issue or you can have a food restriction but you can’t have both. I need to lay some ground rules now that I am nearly 34. For the record, I am strictly off the market anyway.
“Yes,” I say. “They are tap shoes.” I can still be polite, after all.
“Like, real tap shoes?”
Wtf other kind of tap shoes are there, dude? Gah! Well, we can’t fault the guy for social ineptitude – he’s a lawyer (not a lawyer from my firm). Good try. There was no need to panic, I assumed his Blackberry would eventually allow me to escape, and it did.
I have to admit though, I kinda like pick-ups. I don’t like the guy at work (also not a lawyer) who says, “So what are we having for dinner?” That is creepy. But out in the world, I kinda like pick-ups.
The award for all-round classiest efforts go to the guy who wanted to know how to cook the yellow beans, the guy who swiped his Metropass for me, and the Egyptian who wanted to play me in squash.
And then there are my three forever faves, top of the heap thanks to their sheer, fabulous idiocy. These are, in no particular order:
1. “Do you want a piece of my tail? Because I want a piece of your tail.”
2. “Heeeeeeeeeeey, don’t you want to get with a cute Spanish boy like me??”
3. “How do you feel about INTENSITY???”
I tried to add some context to each of these fine progeny of the male brain, but eventually I gave up. Nothing I can add would make them any better or worse. They’re fascinating. You know, like what kind of thought process happened here? Oh hey, that girl seems alright, should I ask her if she wants a drink? No, I better ask her if she wants some of my TAIL.
Thanks for the stories, guys. Y’all are entertaining.
[NOTE: I am having a lot of problems with WordPress inserting quotation marks incorrectly. I am not actually a moron (not entirely …).]