How do I prove I’m not a hipster?

By far the most common search strings that land strangers at this blog are, Should I exercise after the flu shot? How to make basbousa, and How do I prove I’m not a hipster?

With respect to the first two searches, fortunately the posts I wrote on those issues are pretty clear. As for the third, well. Since I wrote that post while eclipsed by an identity crisis, not much help for a downtrodden potential hipster there. This is for all you poor bastards out there trying to prove you’re not hipsters.

First, some bad news: You can’t. It’s impossible. The more you try to prove you’re not a hipster, the more people are going to believe you are one. Remember Shakespeare? The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Just shut it, seriously.

Next, are you sure you’re not a hipster? Ask yourself, for example, “Do I love the Big Nickel ironically? Or do I love it because IT IS THE GREATEST THING EVER?” If it’s the former, you might be a hipster.

If you are unsure whether you are a hipster, I suggest you read this article. My friend Kathleen sent it to me, and I found it really helpful. Alternatively, consider listening to an interview with the author on Q (segment starts at 3:15). Actually, do both, because if you’re Googling, how do I prove I’m not a hipster, you are in dire straits, my friend. Would you find comfort in knowing that others are just as conflicted as you? If so, read this article also.

Once you have reconciled your personal state of hipsterness within your own heart, resolve to not give a fuck if you are a hipster or not. Are you awesome? You’re goddamn right you are! That is all that is important.

2 thoughts on “How do I prove I’m not a hipster?

  1. I’ve always wondered just what is wrong with being a “hipster” anyway? Seems to me one who calls another “hipster” is a jealous person, OR, maybe I’m just from the wrong generation and have no real clue. 🙂

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