Okay, everybody knows that beavers are busy, but did you know that they are also devilish killing machines? Do NOT be fooled by their adorable little faces, their excellent work ethic or the delightful pastries named after their awesome tails. Beavers may look cute, but they are evil assassins: see the evidence set out below. Sure, most of the humans involved in these attacks did not actually die, but believe me, that is not what the beaver intended.
Rogue beaver blamed for tree falling on Quebec family’s SUV in Prince Edward Island
Beaver attacks man near Rochester: ‘It was like watching a horror film’
Swede bloodied in surprise beaver attack
Beaver attacks 83-year-old female swimmer in Fairfax County
Rabid beaver chases children in Fairfax; 2nd attack in a week
2 girls injured after beaver attack in Spotsylvania County lake
Scouts stone rabid beaver to death after attack
“Bizarre” rabid beaver attacks 3 in Philly park
*This post is for Joolie and my parents, who I am indebted to for tipping me off to the secret, dark nature of our national animal.